I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
