she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
