You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
