I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
