Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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