About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
