This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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