There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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