And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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