She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
