did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize