we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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