Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
