thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
