i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
God, I missed his penis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
