ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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