I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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