I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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