I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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