She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
