meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
