Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
