Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They took my balls.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize