i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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