is your mom at the bar?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
