My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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