I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
