This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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