i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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