Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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