He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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