nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
