respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
