Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
