I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
