You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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