is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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