i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
