If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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