he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
