It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
