gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
