no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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