K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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