My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
