Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
