my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
