How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
love makes seman taste better
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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