She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
