nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
