What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
