Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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