the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
