perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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