speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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