Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
