Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
