All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
