Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
