did you get engaged???
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
