i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
