I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
