life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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