I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm bleeding and have questions
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
