found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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