addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
