So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
