She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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