Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
