why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
