I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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