i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
