Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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