Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
