She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
