I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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