the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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