i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
