i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
