I just made out with a guy for $7.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
