I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
