Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
