Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
